#FamiliesLikeOurs

Complex feelings after another mass shooting

When I started writing about mental healthcare six years ago, I profiled several Iowa families in the Des Moines Register and their struggles to get loved ones with mental illness appropriate medical help and healthcare. For that profile, I had the privilege of meeting and getting to know an extraordinary Iowa City couple named Leslie and Scott Carpenter, whose adult son lives with a serious mental illness (SMI), and their tireless advocacy work. Over the years, Leslie in particular has become a tremendous resource, support, and friend to me.

After the Lewiston, Maine mass shooting last week, and the end of the manhunt with the discovery of the shooter’s body and mentions of his struggles with a serious mental illness, Leslie penned a moving Facebook post about her multifaceted grief over cases like this one, and gave me permission to share it here.

This post is for #FamiliesLikeOurs.

Scott & I watched the press conference held in Maine last night after they had found the body of the Maine shooter.

Honestly, it was hard to watch.

Feelings? So many.

We were so very relieved that they had found this man and each of the speakers - the Governor of Maine, the Chief of Police and the Commissioner of Public Safety all spoke of the relief they all felt for the people of Maine to no longer be living in fear.

But also, grief. For whom? Oh, so, so many people. For the people who had been shot and survived. For the people who had been shot and killed. For all of the families out there who are grieving. I hope they get the support they need to process their feelings of grief and anger.

But also, grief for the family of Mr. Card. It is very, very important to remember that they are experiencing tremendous grief. They had tried to get him the medically necessary treatment he needed. They had tried to warn the military and local law enforcement of their concerns. They not only lost him, but also know that they tried to prevent this tragedy from ever happening in the first place. The pain, the frustration, the angst they must be feeling is likely overwhelming to them. I want them to know that this is not their fault. They tried. We know they tried to get him the help he needed and we know what tremendous obstacles and barriers they faced. My heart goes out to them and I hope they get the support they need to get through their grief and to process all that they are feeling.

To be honest, this piece of the story was not emphasized or spoken to at all in the press conference and it should have been. They did say that they had informed his family that his body had been found, and one of the people present did mention that his family had been helpful and acknowledged they had lost a family member, but left it there.

It felt, to me, too much like a sense of celebration was in the room. Now, I grant them the grace to understand they were likely exhausted and relieved after so much pressure to find him and to keep the whole community safe. I get it, but it was still hard for me to watch.

We know full well that there is a lot of anger out there about what he did, but it is crucially important to remember that this happened because he was very, very sick and was not able to get enough of the medically necessary treatment he needed AND because he had access to an assault weapon that no civilian in our country ever needs to have access to, with or without a serious brain illness in the first place.

Two weeks of inpatient treatment for someone hearing voices is clearly not enough to actually stabilize them. I don’t know what other treatment he was receiving “in the community” as the reporting on that doesn’t seem complete yet. But, I think it is fair to conclude, given what happened, that it was not enough.

I am also grieving for all of the #FamiliesLikeOurs out there across the country who do so much every day and every night to support loved ones with #SMI. It is the fight of our lives to help keep them treated and supported with the medically necessary treatment they need, #HousingThatHeals, and to keep them safe.

This bigger conversation needs to be about stepping up to BOTH improve the mental illness treatment system AND enacting sensible gun safety legislation to prevent future tragedies like this.  ~

---

Quick end note: THANK YOU to everyone who has subscribed since I launched this column two weeks ago. And an extra special thank you to the force of nature Julie Gammack, for her invaluable support of myself and other writers in the Iowa Writers Collaborative.

As a thank you to paid subscribers:

Iowa Writers' Collaborative Holiday Party 

Thank you for being a paid subscriber to Iowa Writers' Collaborative members. As such, you are invited to a holiday party on Thursday, December 7, at the Witmer House, 2900 Grand Avenue, Des Moines, from 5-6:30 p.m. Meet collaborative members and readers from across the state. The Witmer House was once Iowa's governor's mansion and headquarters of the Iowa Girls High School Athletic Light appetizers and a cash bar will be available. If you are not a subscriber, please pick those you wish to support. The roster can be found at www.iowawriters.substack.com

Register here!